To Find A Unicorn

Dating has been like trying to find a unicorn for a woman such as myself-a seemingly impossible and highly improbable feat among the strange and wild land of online dating…not to mention the entire male species. 

I still marvel whenever I think about how so many people over millennia have not only found one another, but have decided to go the long haul together. I mean, people start dating every day, even during a world-wide pandemic! If history is any indicator, the odds of meeting someone should be ever in my favor! 

And yet as a woman among millions that is looking for that one person to love and be loved by, I can only hope and pray my unicorn is in fact a dream realized, walking around this planet. Because, I tell you the journey is not for the faint of heart when you are a Christian woman living in a modern world. 

Despite what we may feel insecure about-our current circumstances, what someone would think about what we do for a living, our religious beliefs or the imperfection we see when we look at our bodies, we all want to be deeply known, accepted and loved. And the truth is, we are loveable just as we are. So, it is entirely possible that love can find you in the most unlikely of circumstances, in which you may feel the most unworthy, unseen or defeated you have ever felt. Or, you may be thriving and just simply haven’t met someone. Either way, take courage dear heart. Love is possible. 

It may require being bold enough to stand out or even be hidden from the crowd by taking the path less traveled by. And, Lord knows I have taken the path less traveled by…

Sometimes by choice and other times the path seemed to have been chosen for me. By choice, I wholeheartedly gave my life to Christ as a child. As a pre-teen, I consciously remember choosing to live by my faith and convictions regardless of whether they were popular or not. 

So then, going into that stage of life where you discover the opposite gender and hormones set in, is well...exciting and awkward for everyone. Perhaps, easier to navigate having already decided what my stance on sex was long before I’d even encountered teenage boys. And even when I did encounter boys, I wasn’t asked out by perhaps a single one from 8^th grade through high school. Normal? Maybe. Yet at times it sure didn’t feel normal.

Let’s be clear, I was an awkward teenager in that I had no fashion sense and I was super insecure about my looks. Even so, I was content going to youth groups, pursuing sports and enjoying my time with friends. That doesn’t mean that I wasn’t interested in boys. I was, but no one I was interested in seemed to be interested in me. Yet, I was hopeful that I’d still meet someone and get married young…oh youthful thinking…

So off to college I went where to my surprise, I ended up dating several guys one right after the other. All really nice Christian guys, but we weren’t meant to be. And then, I thought I’d met the one. You know…the onnnnnne. It wasn’t until the pain of being rejected by said guy I thought I wanted to marry hit hard. Nothing like unrequited love to mess you up. 

Oh, but isn’t hindsight a beautiful thing?! So, while it hurt deeply, I was so grateful it didn’t work out in the end. And while I wasn’t exactly emotionally available for anybody new for what seemed like a long time, I still wanted to find love. 

Soon 25 came and went…then years of recovering from an unexplained illness I got from living in a third world country (talk about crushing your hopes of marriage)…and yep you guessed it…32 and I am still single! I’ll let you in on an embarrassing secret, I haven’t technically had a boyfriend since I was 20! Shocking, right? Gone on dates, yes. Been seriously interested in more than one man in 8 years? Nope. 

To be honest, I couldn’t tell you why I hadn’t crossed paths with anyone in all that time. Naturally I had questions. Doubts. Was I ugly? Were my standards too high? Was I too much of a good girl? Was I not worthy of love? Am I actually intimidating to men? Who would want to date someone that was that sick? What would they think of my story? 

Was I unaware of the men who liked me? Probably. Should I have been more intentional in preparing for a healthy relationship/marriage? Absolutely. Was it God protecting me? Most likely. And as they say, isn’t timing everything?

So, when people ask me why are you still single, I now often respond with, “Because I’m looking for a unicorn.” And as confusing, embarrassing and frustrating as it’s been, I also believe that the right one is worth waiting for no matter how long it takes to find them. I would have rather been single than to have dated hundreds of guys or settled for someone out of desperation, loneliness or even desire.

In a world, where even among Christians desire often trumps commitment and divorce is commonplace, it’s no wonder why finding someone special seems so rare. I hadn’t thought of or even fully valued myself as a rare woman, but who I am should be a gift to the right person. And I will be. It may seem nigh unto impossible to cross paths with someone who embodies the traits you hope to find in a significant other as it is finding someone who values the rarity of who you are, but nothing is impossible when God is in the midst. 

There really are incredible men and women still out there, who are also navigating the journey of singleness, dating and beyond. Don’t compromise your convictions because the right one will love and value you all the more for it. If you catch yourself thinking that you aren’t good enough for someone you dream of or a person you actually cross paths with, know that you are more than worthy. 

If you’re like me, you may just have to wade through years of singleness or even hundreds if not thousands of "profiles" until you happen along a potential unicorn.  So, no matter how many potentials you cross paths with, keep going! Things could go from the seemingly impossible to a very real dream unfolding in front of you that is far better than you could have ever imagined! Continue to be your amazingly rare self and know your love is out there and you will find each other! 

May your heart be full of hopeful expectancy as you navigate the journey of love! 

            Blessings,
                              Lindsay 

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